Valentine’s Day and Chairman Mao’s Little Red Book

It’s Valentine’s Day again, this season always reminds me of Chairman Mao and his little red book. Born in the 70’s China, although I did not experience Mao’s Cultural Revolution, I’ve seen many photos from the 50’s and 60’s—no matter what the occasion, no matter what gender, no matter what age, almost every person held a little red book in front of his/her chest. The little red book has Mao’s speeches. Guess back then, everyone was pressured and motivated to hold this little red book, to demonstrate love and loyalty for Chairman Mao, for the Communist party and for the country.

When Valentine’s Day approaches, red hearts dance all over stores and streets. There is also pressure (especially for men) and motivation to arrange some out of the ordinary activities, to buy special gifts to express love and loyalty for the other half. Even if the other half does not care into such, others around you care! Friends and colleagues would always ask “What for Valentine’s Day?” No plan? Oh, poor you, no one loves you, or you are so not romantic, or worse, your relationship must be problematic. In any case, you are a person with question mark.

I am such a person with question mark, not only I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but when we started dating, I also requested K not to buy me flowers/gifts, and requested we share expenses. We did celebrate Valentine’s Day, once only, in the first year of our dating. Later, I just did not like following trend, I proposed dinner out only on Valentine’s Day, nothing else. Then later, I felt why should we dine out on the same day as billions of people to celebrate our own love? We dine out often all the time, but no more on 2.14. Yeah, this is perhaps my non-conformist and idiosyncratic side, but I think such “rebellious” action also derive from observation of the dating and married life of our own, of others—that everyday love and care is more important than special celebration, that substance is more important than form.

In life, I care about both substance and form in many aspects. But in love, I don’t care about form, nor any special day, nor any special arrangements/expressions, I care about the loving feeling in every ordinary day.

“Romance” is perhaps like “Success”, every person has his/her own definition. To us, romance is that wonderful connection of hearts when spending time and sharing emotions together. Romance sets on the foundation of a solid and pleasant relationship. Otherwise, it is no more than a masking tape over crackled mirror or glass.

From dating to marriage, 6 years so far, we’ve always been sweet and intimate, our life has always been relaxed, interesting and romantic. These words may sound showy, and they are cliché, but I can not find more simple and accurate words to describe our relationship and our life. There are many loving couples in the world, but perhaps few can be as relaxed as us, we’ve never got upset or argue with each other. We are like a pair of 3-4 year olds, just like being together, and can get along well. Not that we don’t have differences in opinions or approaches, we always like to discuss openly and always can come to mutually satisfying resolution.

We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but our life is full of fun and romance. In a way, we celebrate Valentine’s Day everyday. Everyday, we have gourmet food; every week, we have sports, nature and arts related activities; every a few weeks or months, we take a vacation traveling. We cook a lot and also go out to eat often, there is always something gourmet to enjoy together everyday. Every week, we’d be visiting museums/galleries or watching some performances, and sometimes doing both. All year round, we swim, yoga and golf. Of course, because of seasonal change of climate, and arts’ organizations’ performance season, we also have different activities each season:

In the Spring, we often go for concerts; and take our road bikes to ride in Central Park or around the lakes and mountains in upstate New York. Spring is also a season we like to take trips overseas.

In the Summer, we go for outdoor concerts and prepared picnics to enjoy along; we also started to learn surfing last summer.

In the Fall, we go for hiking and foliage trips often.

In the Winter, we watch ballet and operas often; every two weeks, we’d either snowboarding somewhere near NYC, or skiing in Vermont or the Rockies in the West.

In this everyday activities we do together, we share many romantic moments. In even more ordinary activities, romantic feelings always spring up, such as when doing grocery and cooking together on weekends; such as when cuddling together watching TV; such as when hugging in bed; such as when giving each other a massage; etc, Romance is about the feeling between two hearts, no matter when, what, where and how, and certainly does not need commercial push.

Currently we are skiing in Vermont, of course, it was not planned for Valentine’s Day, but we are having many romantic moments…